Unconquered
by Normryl
Summary: Shawn's thoughts about Montreal and beyond.


**Title: Unconquered**  
Summary: Shawn's thoughts about Montreal and beyond.  
Warnings: Language. Pretty random stuff. I apologise.  
Notes: Inspired by 'Invictus' by William Ernest Henley.  
**Written for the weekly word challenge for 'Master'.**

**Out of the night that covers me,  
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods may be  
For my unconquerable soul.**

Nothing was right. Not tonight.  
Never could be. Maybe never right again.  
Those looks. I went from bright lights and deafening noise, to silence and darkness.  
Nothing was certain. I was scared. Felt sick the thoughts racing through my head.

What would happen to me?  
What would happen tomorrow?

And why did I do it?  
Didn't think it through, not until I got backstage. The way everyone was looking. The questions they didn't dare ask but I still knew they judged me.  
Maybe it was for Vince, just because he asked me too, or maybe it was because it was Bret and I wanted to hurt the fucker.

But it wasn't solely for either of those reason, although both added to the final answer I'd come to.

I knew deep down that I'd be remembered forever for this.  
And wasn't that worth everything?  
To be remembered. To be that man. Even if it wasn't for anything noble.  
Just to be the man that had the guts to do what needed to be done.  
I wanted to be that man.  
I demanded to be that man.  
I made myself that man.

**In the fell clutch of circumstance  
I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
Under the bludgeonings of chance  
My head is bloody, but unbowed.**

I took all they had to give.  
They could give me nothing more than full on, unbridled hatred. The fans. The boys in the back never so vocal.  
But they still hated me as much. But they still could never destroy me.

And I never let them know I even cared about it. I could take it.  
They couldn't.  
I was bigger than that, better than them all.  
And I knew they wouldn't have done it.  
Too scared by what could happen.

And I had been. But I went through it. Looked at what fate had dealt me and didn't back down.  
It was my own personal war.  
I can through it scarred from the wounds, but still going.  
And they still tried to hurt me. Whenever they could.  
And they could make me bleed, yet I would never run dry.  
If they tried to stop me, they would never succeed.

They would be left in my wake.  
I feel no shame for what I did.

For I did what they could never do.

**Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
And yet the menace of the years  
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.**

Maybe fate.  
Stepped in that night. Took me away from all I knew.  
Let me know my time had come. It was my dusk.  
Dawning was newer, better things. Brighter. And no one was ready to look back.  
Didn't care to see that sun setting. It would only hurt them to watch.  
And I fade away.  
Unnoticed.  
Once it can't be seen any more it is forgotten.

My life was once black and white. So simple.  
But wrestling gave it the colour. Now I was left in shades of grey. No direction.  
No life.

But I know that I have to carry on. There has to be more.  
Something better. Love. Life.  
This can't be it?  
And the only way top find out, is to step out of the shade and live.  
Find a new hue of colour to fill my life.  
I'm surrounded by darkness, yet I keep going.  
Eventually, it will pass.

**It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charged with punishments the scroll.  
I am the master of my fate:  
I am the captain of my soul.**

I live.

I live for those years I spent in misery.  
I live in bright colours to make up for all the shadows cast over my life.  
I live for my family. I would die for them without hesitation.

I have accepted my past.  
What I did. How I wronged others. Couldn't see it then.  
My vision is clear now.  
And I would never be fool enough to admit a mistake.  
Admitting many. Apologising.  
Humbling myself made me feel more complete than ever before.  
Undoing all those sins, one at a time.

Still some doubt.  
Some don't believe in me.  
I know I can't make them believe yet my actions are my testimony.  
My fate is in my hands. It always has been.  
I will not be swayed. I will not be manipulated.  
What happens now is down to me.

The Lord is my master, and I humbly obey.


End file.
